Teacher Training the Final Chapter: My life begins anew!

I have been home a week.  The final week was a whirlwind.  I can't even remember everything that happened.  What I do know is that I bonded deeply with my group.  We traveled in a pack.  We ate together, we went to lecture together, and we practiced together.  In the end my posse consisted of Michael, our Irish dialog pro, who didn't like to smile too much with anyone but us.  He was a mystery man to many on campus, but to us he was funny as heck and a great support system.  Marta, our Italian lass who "did not speak with an accent" and was hit on by teachers and non-gays alike.  She took out her lip ring to be more beautiful and she had the best tattoos of the bunch.  Lesley from Brighton who was by far the loudest and funniest of the group.  She said whatever came out of her mouth and it was always funny.  Ted from Brighton who was a gentle loving soul who will be a compassionate and loving teacher.  Frances, our Yogini, who we tried to break of her amazing practice.  In the beginning she was so focused and so disaplined  in her practices and by the end she came to our darker side of laughter and distraction.  Bre, our wise and beautiful 22 year old.  She was the first to teach when she got home and she has the envy of us all with no attachments and the world to explore if she chooses too. And then there was Marck from Hamburg.  Marck and I bonded the most I think.  I have never laughed so hard in years.  We laughed in lecture and practices and we both found our friendship as being one of the most important things that happened to us during training.  His partner, Laris showed up the last week as well and he was equally as fabulous.  All of these people will be life long friends.  What we experienced together over 10 weeks can not be explained.  On average we spent 20 hours a day and with that fell in love with each other in a way that will feed our souls for life.  I left Seattle feeling like a wounded bird, and I return with a new sense of energy an life.  I can't wait to teach and I have great hopes for my future through the eyes of my Karma yoga and the love of my old and new friends alike.

Our last practice in Thailand was super fun.  We all dressed in Black as instructed, and brought a coke...as instructed.  We raced in the room and were able to secure a spot in the middle of the room all together as a group.  Bikram was in prime form, also happy and celebratory.  We all brought out our cokes at the water break.  It was a bit of a coke commercial if you will but it was fun.  Coke, however, is not good for very hot very humid Yoga.  Warm coke to boot.   Near the end, many of us got emotional.  This was our last practice together as a group of 333.  At one point, Marck grabbed my hand and we looked into each others eyes and realized how important this whole experience was for us without exchanging words.  After the class the room erupted in a huge celebration.  Laughter, tears, hugs and all with Bikram watching sentimentally from his orange throne.  You can not imagine the power and energy in this hot sweaty room.

The last day was Saturday, November 16th.  We all had brunch together.  Some of us had our last massages on the beach.  Then we all got beautiful for our graduation, and when I say beautiful I mean beautiful!   Everyone transformed from their lovely sweaty yoga selves to their glamour selves.  Bre knocked us out with her amazing black dress and bright red lips.  Lesley took down her mini doughnut bun and wore her hair down.  Frances came in a green dress and had a wardrobe change to a red dress, very dramatic.  Teddy came in his Thai tailored new vest.  And Marta wore make up!  I even liked how I looked, however, the humidity is torture on my hair...but we were lovely.  The best part of the graduation was the demo team.  20 students were chosen from the 333, all w/o tattoos because Bikram doesn't like tattoos.  They came out and did the series choreographed to music.  When they all opened up like a flower pedal blooming in their back bends...I cried.  Bikram gave a speech intended for a bigger "family" audience that didn't show up because we were in deep dark Thailand.  He actually cut it short because he noticed we were NOT looking at him in his eyes.  We'd all heard what he said a 100 times at this point.   I felt bad, but the truth is....he should have come up with something NEW for us.  I think after 10 weeks of this we deserved it.  Anyhow, the certificated were then passed out one by  one.  We all got to shake Rajashree's hand, get the certificate and take a picture with Bikram after which we came down the stairs into the arms of our groups.  That night we had a big dinner on the lawn, which ended up being an only slightly better version of the infamous Buffet.

My posse moved to the beach and had a drink for the first time in 9 1/2 weeks at the Friendly Restaurant.   I had a fresh coconut pina colada.  After the first few sips and 20 minutes my heart began to race.  It was a the weirdest and scariest feeling.  My body is so clean that it immediately revolted by saying....UM GET THIS SHIT OUT!  Stop drinking.  I have seriously not had another drink since then because I am a little worried.  What a nice way to reduce my alcohol intake.  At the beach we all set off lanterns and made wishes for our futures.  We then went to the dance party at the Bikram disco.  It was loud and we all felt a little out of place, plus we knew the goodbyes were coming.  Bre slipped away at dinner to have a last little trieste with someone who will remained unnamed at this point.  Michael did the Irish goodbye, which is just disappearing w/o saying good by.  But the real goodbye for me was saying goodbye to Marck and Laris.  It was a huge hug, kiss and tears...oh the tears.

The next day I left Thailand armed with a new attitude.  I am ready to teach.  I am ready to start my new life.  I am ready to let go of my pain.  I am ready to open my heart to what the world has to offer me.   My teacher training has come to an end, but my life has just beginning again.

Week 8 Done!

Week 8 is completed.   We finished up with our dialog clinics.  My best moment was when one of the visiting teacher, Mike from Chicago said "its obvious that you really care for your students because you are so precise.  You have a great demeanor and great command in your voice.  Your students are going to love you because you care so much.   Let your personality out because I know there is so much more in you. " This was so good to hear.   I do care deeply and I want that to come out.   I also want to be good and I've struggled deeply with trying to memorize everything and then get it out in a dynamic way.   I love the sound of me when I'm confident, but the second I lose a word I crash.   In a real class environment I hope I can fake it till I am good.   Here there circumstances are so obsurd, everyone in the room knows the dialog word for word and teachers are listening for your every mistake.  I really appreciate how amazing my teachers are back home.  All of them seem to teach so effortlessly, each with there own personality.  I can't wait to be back, now that I know the dialog and see how it has changed for me.  I am officially terrified to teach my first class.  But I guess that is normal and I'm going to have to get over that.

Last weekend I had an amazing adventure to the Surin Islands.  Me and 5 pals went on a boat trip for the day.  Our first stop was snorkeling in a beautiful bay.  The water was aqua and this coral reef was like swimming inside the brightest coral display at the Seattle Aquarium.  The fish even more amazing.  My friend Bre had never been snorkeling.   She is from Kansas City and all this water is foreign to her.   She jumped in with go pro, cell phone and all her gear.   She pretty much sunk.   After trying to operate all her devices, she down sized to just one and added a life vest.  Gotta love her enthusiasm.   Leslie from Brighton has never used fins before.   Gave her a lesson on Mermaid techniques.   Funny the things u take for granted.   I am very well rounded.  Second stop was a small beach village.   I posted pictures.   We bought hand crafted souvenirs from the children and walked around the village admiring the simplicity of things.   On one hand it felt a little staged, but overall it was a very sweet experience.   Third stop was a national park.   We were fed a very village meal.  Curries and fish with eyeballs looking at you.   Weird but better than the buffet that is killing us all.   We then spent a few hours on a beach similar to the movie Blue Lagoon.   Four of us ladies sat on the beach and shared our Bikram yoga stories.  Cancer, thyroid issues, spiritual awakings, loss of self, marriage problems...u name it.....it was there.  What was more amazing was how each woman came to this practice and was rebuilt and inspired.  The character and strength in many here is overwhelming.  We then had two more stops for snorkeling.  Each more incredible than the last.  Our journey home, however, was a nightmare.  A storm rolled in of epic proportions.  Pretty much the scariest boat ride I've ever been on.   A one hour journey turned into a two and one half hour nail biter.  It was raining sideways.   Thunder and lightning crashing all around us.  Waves bigger than the boat.   Ted got electrocuted.  Marta puked.   The captains got lost in the middle of the sea because the electrical storm jacked their systems.   At one point three of the guides were looking in three directions for land.  One of them got a phone out and all I heard was May Day May Day May day.  30 minutes later, they spotted land.   You would not believe how happy our guides were.  It was unbelievable.   Frances and I practiced learning spinal twist during all of this.  The others could not believe it.   However,I think it was very yogi of us.   We were internally focused.  We learned it very well And it all ended well.

Bikram was in rare form this week.  We had we had six four hour lectures from him on postures this week, followed by three four hour movies.   I think I saw 3 am every day this week.  One of our lectures was completely derailed when Bikram drank two cokes.   It sent him into a wackadoodle sugar rush.   For some reason he got out his man purse and showed us everything in it!   You would Not believe what he finds essential and how completely open he is.   There is no doubt that Bikram is a one of a kind unusual person!  

Last but not least, I am pretty sure I have a staff infection.  There happens to be an infectious desease doctor in our class.   She is watching it closely.   But...sure is fun be in this fungus bath!   The sweat pools would gross you all out!  

;)

Happy Halloween!

Just finished our evening Halloween class.   Many of the students dressed up.   It was a lot of fun prior to class but then they put up a dull teacher and our moods melted with our costume make up.  I have had a rough couple of days in class.  Yesterday I had to sit on the floor from standing bow on because I wasn't able to stand without blacking out.   It is amazing how emotional that situation is.   I want to practice.   I want to be good but I can't even stand up.  I gather they are trying to break us down (still) so that we have compassion for our students.   I'd like to say....I get it.....please allow us some good classes so we can go home feeling good about our practice.  They did however flick on a strobe light and played Thriller through our savasana.  It turned into a two minute sweaty make up smeared danced party.   Rather surreal actually!

Our week was a dialog marathon.   We had poster clinics morning and night.  I had a beautiful teacher from Singapore on day one.   She was so lovely, again suggesting I get rid of my self doubt and just say what I was to say without doubt even if it was off dialog.  The next day we did the entire spine series.  Four postures.   I invested all my eggs into Cobra.  And did well....and basically did the next three off the cusp.  And it turns out....for me....off the cusp is better.   I am not being anal about getting every word but rather just being me.   I got to see a glimpse of me in the future....and she looks and sounds good!!!!  This morning Nick's mom taught.   Her dialog was way off, but her love and energy was up.   If she can teach this giant class off 333 highly critical yoga students/would be teachers.....I can teach.....anywhere.

We are all starting to realize our time is almost over here.  On one hand we can't wait to see our friends and family but on the other hand we are getting sad because we won't see each other again soon.   My posse lives in Brighton, Dublin, Hamburg, Carmel and Kansas City.  We have been living in each others pockets here.   From 8 am til 2 am we sweat together, eat together, go to class, study together, cry and laugh and this week we've had a lot of puking!  We spend more time together than we spend with any one person at home, so the bonding has been quick.  Two of my pals have committed to next years pumpkin party!   Can't wait for my peeps back home to meet some of my yogi pals.   You'll love them.

We ended the week with the staff telling us their Bikram Yoga stories.  All had amazing stories.  Suicide attempts, cancer recovery, overweight, high power job overload....all wonderful to hear.    Each one more incredible than the last.  It inspired me to keep on my path.  This practice is amazing, it is healing (mind, body and soul) and its community is world wide.   I now have friends all over the world who will open there homes and invite me to teach in their studios.

The last thing we did last night was listen to Monali do a meditation.  It was beautiful!  We left in perfect silence and it was incredibly peaceful and beautiful.

Don't worry....I haven't gone completely yogi...can't wait for a COCKTAIL!!!!!

The Home Stretch

Week six is over.  I must say it is going fast and slow all at once.   It was a bitter sweet week for me.   Having my birthday here away from family and friends was rough.  I had a lovely day, but missing my kids and not being at my pumpkin party was a little tearful.  My new friends were sweet.   They bought coconuts after class and stole cutlery from the buffet hall with the concept of carving the coconuts on the beach which was so sweet.   The butter knifes barely knicked the husks but it was a very cute idea.  My day was very self reflective.  Had some very long deep conversations on the beach about life, love and the future.  Everyone here has their own story and is here in search of something.  Oddly all our journies alighned. Anyhow I had some magical moments that I will never forget.   I called my posse at home who where all celebrating me and carrying on my pumpkin party and I started crying because I can not believe how blessed I am.   Thank you sweet friends you have moved me with your love!  Ok...enough tears!

Last week:  The yoga part was a little rough.   My body aches in a new profound way.  I had thought I would make monsterous strides in my practice, and in truth I probably have....but each day I feel like I've never practiced before.   My body had changed.  Back fat gone, boobs shrinking, waste line trimming....so that is fun.  In the am my joints and back muscles hurt.  In the evening classes I do feel better but it seems to be more just doing everything...forget about full expression of the postures.  I have gotten use to Bikrams teaching style.   I come to class with three and a half liters of water.  One with electrolytes.  And mentally I just accept that the class will be between two and three hours long.   To be fair he does a lot of correcting and sometimes has people come up on the podium and do demonstrations.  So...we are not always doing postures, however he runs the room HOT and I drink every ounce of liquid and I don't pee it out!   There is just no way one can describe how much we sweat.

Posture clinics were OK for me this week.  I think I explained in my last post that I had a moment where I saw me being the teacher I want to be.   My voice speaking in a clear loving firm way.  It was exciting and I felt amazing.   My classmates said I was several inches taller and radiant.  I then delivered triangle nervously and was not so radiant.   And by the end of the week it was a blur.   So its a battle, moments of sunshine but lots of fog too.  A German girl came up to me before class on Friday and said....I had a vision of you today as a great teacher.   She said your voice is so beautiful I just know one day you'd be amazing.   Then she said.... One day I will take your class and I know I will just love it.   I hugged her.   A complete stranger and all that love shared.

Our lectures included two lectures by Dr. Brian Tracy on Neuromuscular Physiology as it pertains to Bikram Yoga.   It was fascinating.   What was most shocking is how little has been actually done on the effects of Bikram yoga.  His research is very cool and he presented us with data that discussed our core temperature, calorie burn, and spinal cord health and function.  I'm inspired to figure out how to fund future studies.  Type two diabetes and RA alone have had remarkable testimonials but no one has done real scientifically sound research to support it.

This week was also Diwali, the festival of lights.  Bikram had a big party for us on the center lawn in the resort.  Fireworks, traditional Thai dance and ice cream.   Everyone looked amazing.   We wander around here sweaty rash covered messes.   This night everyone dressed up and looked completely different.   Truly beautiful people here.   Bikram also unveiled his disco he built here.   Amazing!   So we had a sober yogi dance party that had the most incredible energy.   It was fun.

This weeks fun challenge for me is going to be doing yoga on a broken toe!  Yep!   Kicked a wood stump buried under the sand and broke my middle toe on my left foot!    Good times!!!!!

My Birthday week!

As you all know, I love my birthday.   If I was home I'd be inviting you all to have lunch with me, and getting you all excited for my pumpkin party.   It's a little different here but I am getting ready to have a great birthday weekend.   We are going to take a trip the the James Bond Island and explore the caves.   So excited.

This past weekend was nice.   It was sunny on Saturday.  I studied on the beach with Heather from Alaska.  We walk for hours down the beach shouting out dialog in round robin fashion.   Its amazing to have the blue green ocean crashing at your feet while doing homework.  The we got massages on the beach.   Truly exceptional again to be getting a massage while listening to the actual ocean.   Saturday night I gathered a group, as I do and we ventured off campus for a lovely dinner down south.   We've added Teddy from Brighton and Marck from Hamburg to our click.   Both of them are hilarious, flamboyant and such good people.  Anyhow we laughed ourselves sick at our struggles and what is so refreshing is we are all dead sober.  Sunday was rainy.  Studied all day.   Found a mexican resteraunt for dinner and it tasted Amazing!!!!!!

Monday started out with a bang.  Rajashree taught the morning class and the afternoon lecture.   Bikram tried to kill us with a two and a half hour 40 Celsius class.  Then he had a long lecture on the beginning off all time and the creation of the first yogis.  Which he followed with a four hour movie about family and parental love.  We rolled in at 4 am....to get up and start it all again today.

I feel weak, but its my birthday week  and I am going to make it through on a positive note!

Hump Week!

Hump week was hard.  I will try to think of cheerier things to say, but the truth of the matter is that I am emotionally spent.  I started the week with a brutal posture clinic.   The coach for the night laid into my work ethic based on my performance without asking or knowing what I had been doing, and the sad thing was I had actually done pretty well for me.  He also said your home studio is not going to let you teach for them....etc...etc!   Again, with zero knowledge of me as a person or my future.   I was proud in that I didn't break down or run away.   Just took the feedback.  Then demonstrated three perfectly executed Balancing Sticks as a demonstrator.  After class I did break down but in private!   Rajashree is here, Bikram's wife....so that positive.   She has talked a lot about tapping into your emotions.   She reads poetry after she teaches Yoga and every time I find my heart touched.   Cry a lot here.   Week 5 is known for this.  One thing that she said that has really affected me is "Forgiveness is gift you give to yourself, not others".  Need to let go of my hurt before I can really grow, and if I can this journey will have been priceless for lack of a better word.  My next posture clinic was nice.   A very flamboyant fellow from Head Quarters, gave a refreshing take on things.   He made all of us " train wreck" go first and then he gave us positive feedback!   Crazy!   He also said.... I am doing fine.   It will sink in!  By Triangle Pose I felt I has done well.   Still am crazy nervous but the words are sticking.   I was up most nights this week till 2 am studying in the lobby but at least it wasn't wasted energy.  The classes that Bikram taught this week on average were 2 and a quarter hours long.   The good news here is we are all doing better.   Less people passing out or fleeing the room, and more importantly Bikram was actually happy with us.   Making him happy is very nearly impossible!   But he has actually said...."you guys look good"!  Our posture clinic group is number 13.   We are known as the bad kids group mostly because we are not the best at dialog and percentage wise our group has the most make up classes.   Meaning if you are 5 seconds late signing in you get to do back to back classes on Saturday.  But was our group does have is the most spirit, the most love and the most improved!   Lucky 13 will prevail and perhaps be the best teachers ultimately.  I'll end my post on that high note!

I got mail!

I received a letter today, couldn't have come at a better time.   They delivered it military style.   They called our names and we went up and got our letters in front of all 333 with whoops and hollers.  Week 5 is breakdown week according to Rajashree so many of us are really emotional.  Anyhow....thank you dear sweet Jenna!   Your snail mail was much appreciated and envied by many!   Must go.  Bikram is back have to get to practice.   Its probably going to be a three hour torture chamber for sure!  Bringing loads of water just in case!

They tried to kill us this week!

It's Sunday, our one free day of the week.   I am physically and mentally exhausted.  Home sickness is hitting hard.  Weekends are actually worse for that because you have a minute to think.  Last week each day they made the room hotter and hotter.  By Wednesday it was out of control.   We had a two hour night class where litterly 10 people had to be carried out of the room.   It was fairly dramatic.   You could see their muscles cramping and some were in tremendous pain.  We had a teacher who is a little arrogant and unrelenting.   He wouldn't open the doors to save any of us.   I am not sure why?   And to top it off he would say things like....let me show you my triangle....its the second best in the world.  And then....he'd do it....and we'd watch only glad to be able to have a wee break.  I ran out of the room after that class and bought a huge bottle of water and drank it all down immediately.   I really have no idea where all the water I drink goes.   On Friday night I found out that there is a problem with the heat.  They have not figured out the apparent temperature.   This is how hot it feels with humidity and heat factored.   The intention is to challenge us, but we are suppose to be able to reach the full expression of each posture.   But what we are focusing on mostly is just trying to stand upright, not puke and balance.   I was getting frustrated because I have not been able to really improve my postures.   But on Saturday morning we had a class taught by Bikrams wife.  I am not putting her name down because I'd spell it wrong and I don't have strong enough internet to look it up.  
:(  Anyhow, it was amazing.   A pivotable moment in my experience here.   She taught a beautiful class filled with love and insight.  I had one of my best classes.   I pushed hard and deep.   I learned things about the postures.  And she opened the doors and gave us air twice!!!!!!!   She will be teaching us about each posture next week after our anatomy final.   I couldn't be more excited.  She has reinvigorated me.

My friendships continue to deepen.   I have also reached out to many to improve my dialog.   Today I have to learn standing separate leg stretching, Triangle. Head to knee and tree for next week.   Fairly freaked.  Oh...and study for anatomy final.   Ugh.  But last night we went to an Italian resteraunt and had a nice dinner for Marta's birthday.  And then watched a movie with Bre.   We can rent really bad movies here.   We got to watch Step Up 4.   So good?!

Miss my peeps back home.  Sending you all love.

My body hurts!

I have been surprised how well I have felt since I got here.   I had nightmares about how hard two practices a day would be.   But, until now, it has been fairly manageable.  My body is really stiff this week.   The morning practices are flat out hard.   I almost feel like I am regressing.  In standing head to knee, I am having a hard time stretching my legs out.   Feels like I might pop my hammys.    It has also been really hot and over the top humid in our yoga room.   So much so that the mirrors fog up to over six feet high.  Meaning no one can see themselves.    I am better in the afternoon but sitting in anatomy class and posture clinics all night is flat out torture.  Anyhow....week four for most of us is about pushing through the stiffness and staying present through the pain.

I did standing head to knee last night.   I did pretty good.   I got most of the words out...which is a first for me.   The coach did notice my nerves but just said to act more like a teacher which is the correct feedback because thru my nerves I am rather childish on goofy.

I am pretty sure I aced the anatomy test.  It was pretty easy so no pats on the back there.

Today is Marta's birthday.   It's is hard to really spoil a friend here the way I like to spoil someone.   Our schedule is relentless and there is no access to cute gift stores or anything.   I made a card for her out of a page of our syllabus and I went in with our gang to treat her to a massage at the spa.  All 333 sang to her and a cake will be delivered to her room this afternoon during anatomy.  So tonight we will sing to her at dinner.  So I guess it won't be the worst day for her!!!

So the rain is ridiculous!  It is too much!  My hands are perminant pruned.   Rain rain go away!!!!!

Eagle Pose!

One might say I had a break through performance last night!   You would not believe the love and support my fellow yogis have given me here.  My first night week three was a train wreck as you know ending in tears.   I gathered myself and tried again on Tuesday doing a little better but was told that I had to get rid of my self doubt demons.   I had many people come up to me and tell me how they love my voice and how warm and friendly my aura was.   Many have come up and been so complimentary about my presence, my looks....to the point of embarrassment.   One said... It is crazy you don't see yourself as we do.   On Wednesday I gave my presentation in from of Monoli, the director of our program.  She was sweet but I did poorly.  But I was changing because I was becoming less sensitive to "failing" in front of others.   Day four I presented Awkward in front of Badwan, super sweet Indian.  I passed, but only because he was so kind.   OK so Friday, it was time for Eagle my favorite posture.   This is the pose I think helped me have Dante and Stone.   I went to class armed with love and less fear.  I volunteered early and did a pretty good job.   Like 70% improvement.   The comments were that I needed to learn to speak louder and project my voice which is much better then getting rid if the giant cloud!  It felt great, even better was how many struggled.   I am not alone!

In other news, weight loss is solid.  Nearly 5 kilos.  However, in exchange my face is breaking out like a teenage boy!  

It is raining so hard.   For the next 48 hours the conditions will be cyclonic! We are not allowed to go to the beach.   We will all be forced to study our dialog.  We also have a mid term exam on Monday in Anatomy.  Not sure how I am going to get all this studying done.   They have created a class for those of us struggling with dialog.   My friends and I are calling it the short bus class.   Anyhow....that's were I am off too!

Self Doubt

Week three has been rough so far.   To start I ache for my children.   They are doing fine but I miss them.   Been good about not going down that rabbit hole but as my week has been emotional.....it's hard not to want their little arms around me.

Dialog has started off this week with a tremendous case of nerves and self doubt.   You'd think after 8 years of religious practice it wouldn't be so hard.  I literally spent all weekend studying.  We have been divided up into smaller groups of 40.   Each group is guided by a teacher.  My first teacher was Takato.  She is a bit hard and shows no real compassion.   I got up and absolutely froze through back bending and hands to feet pose.   The crowd is not allowed to give cues anymore so the silence was deafening.  I was told to sit down and that I'd have to go again.   After class I totally broke down.   A lovely mom of four stayed with me and gave me all sorts of motivational love.   Again....this group is filled with beautiful souls.   Tonight I regrouped, gathered all the PMA I could and I made it though.   The coach tonight was Jay and he was very sweet.   He said....so you have a lot of self doubt going on.   Yes!   He said throw it all out!   Anyhow....I made it through tonights session tomorrow I have Awkward to do.   Not sure I can sleep to get it down.

Anatomy has also started this week.   They brought a world renown Indian othepedic surgeon in to teach it.   Bengali to be exact.   Very sweet man but pretty much impossible to understand.   And this is not paint by numbers and color anatomy.   It is hard core.   The Yogi crowd is freaking out!   His lecture today was better but it still is omigod mind boggling information.   It isn't like practical basic here are the muscles u use and here is what yoga does for u it .....it is......down to our cellular make up.   I know they dumb down the test but it is fun to watch these yogis go ape.   Frankly my brain is about to explode.

This past weekend one of the 333 rented a scooter to cruise around and got into a terrible crash.  She broke both her legs in four places.   She is lucky to be alive.   Anyhow....off campus journeries are pretty limited now.  

I am happier in my solo room.   At my age....having space is nice.   Having air conditioning is amazing!!!!!

Received the most beautiful letter from Alana.   Our love runs deep for each other.   She shared her love and pride for my personal journey.   Couldn't have come to me on a better day.   Needed it.   Used it to get through my fear today.

It's Friday!

We have almost completed our second week.   It is crazy to think how much yoga we have done.   My practice is improving.   My body is changing.   I have actually lost weight.   I've decided to keep food intake to one plate.   Having a buffet makes that more challenging than it sounds.

So nicknames are a thing here.   It is official.   Mine is Miss Sensational!   I was called out in lecture today because I am changing rooms.   I like my roommate but we have an air flow issue.   She can't have the air conditioning on....I find it a must.  90 degrees and 100% humidity I am not sure how she can take it.   Anyhow....Manalee our director of sorts said....Parvanah please see Nick our accommodations guy.   She looked at me and said....Parvanah is an Indian name....I said I know....but then she smiled and said....ok Miss Sensational......again....crowds laughed and I blush.

Sleep deprivation is another thing at teacher training.  This week has been challenging.   Not only have we had very long late lectures....we have also been plugged into Bikrams movie delight.   He really does not sleep.   We have watched two four hour movies this week.   One went as late as 3:30 am.   And they are Bollywood films.   According to Bikram Indian directors are the best in the world.   9 out of 10 of the best films are Indian.    I have to say the ones we watched were hilarious but Top 10????I don't think so.  Our first one was a love story, very funny.   Amazing musical dance numbers.   I don't remember the name of it.   The second one was Dhoom:2 which was ridiculous.   Bikram is kid like.  He talks all through movie telling u all the stars gossip.   And says things like You are going to loves this.   The hippies in the crowd are dying.   Me who hasn't slept in years is faring better than most.

So we have class tonight followed by lecture.   Then a class tomorrow after which we are off for the weekend.   We all can't wait to sleep.   Posture clinics start next week meaning we have to memorize and deliver the next 25 postures.  But we are delivering them in front of smaller groups and NOT Bikram.   He has left until October 14th.   I think I will miss him a little.   More on that later!

My first pose!

Well you all know I am petrified of public speaking so this experience of teaching half moon was beyond my comfort zone.   My pals Michael and Marta and I sat in the seats to present on Monday.  It took till Tuesday to get to us.   I'd practiced saying it a 100 times.   I hadn't really got to a point where I felt strong but I did think I would make it through it....mostly because the audience prompts you the moment you hesitate.   All three if us where very nervous.   Marta went up and rocked it with her beautiful Italian accent.   Michael flew through his and was asked to slow down a bit but we knew that would happen as he practices at high speed.  I went on the stage with my heart in my throat.   I grabbed the microphone for the first time EVER....and introduced myself.   I was shocked at the sound of my voice in the speakers.   I really liked it.   I began "teaching" my three students on the stage with my back to the 333 and i did well until I got to "you should feel a stretching sensation" and Bikram stopped me.   "Sensation sounds a little sexy".... That word is not there.  The class laughed.  I blushed.  I started again.   Again....got to stretching and added sensation.   Which isn't in the dialog.   He said....ah ah ah.   I think u like the sexy sensation.    I think u should teach private lessons.  You would make so much money.  You have no idea!!!!   So...that was that.  The class was in hysterics.   I was blushing.   My sensational dialog delivered!

Week one complete!

Saturday we have one class in the morning and then we are off for the weekend.   Our morning glass today was brilliant.   So much energy.   So wonderfully only 90 minutes.   After class many of us jumped into the pools and started our free time with a splash!  ;) After breakfast we piled into an open back truck/van and were taken to the Big C.   A local supermarket that was in between Wajamai and Walmart.   No pharmacy so no luck there.   The ride was hot and sweaty and very 3rd country.   And then coming back we were twice as squished with all our groceries on us.   It wasn't as fun as we wanted it to be.   When we got back my new friend Marta and Michael and I went to the beach and swam in the 80 degree ocean.   I have never been in a warmer body of ocean water.   It was fantastic!  Then....I went down the beach and got a Thai massage for $12.  1 hour.   Waves crashing, my body twisting and guilt setting in realizing how fantastic this all is.  Now Marta and Michael are both gay....I think.   Michael teaches Pilate's in Dublin and has a nibble ring.   Marta is from Italy but lives in Dublin and really couldn't be less girly.   I adore them.   We went bowling tonight after dinner and laughed like little kids.   I taught Michael how to bowl and he ended up beating me.   So he is king bowler for the night.   Tomorrow I must spend studying because on Monday I plan to present my dialog in front of Bikram and the 333.   But today I felt human after a very grueling week, you might even say child-like.   It was magical!

You have no idea!!!!!

Bikram says this all the time.   Regardless of his god like self image he really is quite amusing.   He really pours his heart into teaching his students.   He is spending 8 hours a day listening to us deliver the dialog and actively critiquing all of us.  I am going to study hard this weekend and lay my soul up there on the stage next week....earlier rather than later.  Yikes.  And the he teaches the afternoon class.   His class is hilarious and ridiculously long.   Minimum two hours.   I am getting use to it.   He does a lot of teaching demonstrations in the middle of class so there are more breaks......however it is hot as hell.   Still haven't figured out coping with the humidity and....TMI coming.....I have not had a poop yet!    Imagine this......9 ridiculously hard yoga classes....more fluids than you've ever had in your life.....and no poop!   OMG!!!!!!   We are off the the super market tomorrow after class. ...guess what is on my list?????   The people here are wonderful.   So loving and caring.   The energy in classes is hard to explain.   I thought I was going to melt during a class and an angel next to me starting sneaking me ice.   We are packed in the yoga room like sardines....but...sometimes being so close is good.  Your neighbor might touch your hand....which sends u a spark of energy to get through the pose.   Had dinner on the beach tonight with a couple of girls.  We decided to ditch the buffet which is fairly overwhelming.   Think 333 starving stressed out yogis trying to get the nutrition the need.   Its not so zen.   More Lord of the flies.   Anyhow....had a fresh cut coconut on the beach.   It was nice....like beyond.  So yes.....this is crazy hard....but it is in paradise.

Double Days!

I completed my first double day yesterday.   I must say it nearly killed me.   I had a full on panic attack.   It seems hardly fair that the evening classes are run by Bikram and he has no sense of time.   The one that killed us all on the first night was 2 1/2 hours long.   Last nights class was only two hours but he chose to play a 9 minute song after and no one can leave the matt.  It was torture.   Then.....we had a four hour lecture after going till about 12:30.   It was part lecture on the need to eat meat (which our buffet doesn't have enough of) and the other part was people doing there Half Moon presentation in front of him and the 333.  I actually had a bit of a cry in the loo prior to the presentations starting.  i am fairly overwhelmed at the thought of being up there with the mike.  During a break I had a chat with Bikram.  I was able to share my story about how doctors told me I'd never be able to get pregnant and 6 months after starting Bikram's yoga I got pregagnant.   He said "you have NO IDEA how many times I have heard this".   Anyhow I always credit Dante and Stone to my Eagle Pose.  Class this morning was OK.  I managed to do every pose and I didn't sit down at all.  Yeah!  Dreading Bikrams class tonight.   But I am going to make some adjustments to my location in the room and hope for the best!

The Best of the Best Dropping like flies!

Bikram gave his orientation today.  He was dressed in a velvet short sleeve shirt.   Grey slacks.   Velvet shoes with ruby red trim to match his shirt.  The watch on his wrist was made out of rubies and diamonds.  It glittered from a 1000 miles away.  His speech was funny as hell, extremely offensive but also very intelligent.  His God like perception on himself is amazing but his conviction in his practice is why I am here.   I will drink the coolade for now.   Our first class was at 5pm today.   The amazing beautiful bodies around me where intimidating.  I set myself up in the front row because I could.   333 bodies with inches between them was a sight to see.  Oh.....and then there was the heat.  The sweatbox is known for its heat.   It was nothing.   And then 96% humidity.  Holy shit.  I felt strong thru the breathing posture ....that is the first of 26.  After that it was a struggle.   50% of the class could not stand up for Eagle.   This is still considered the warm up.  At the water break I drank an entire nalgen (?) Bottle.   By triangle I was thru my other one.   Anyhow....it was amazing.   Can't wait to see what tomorrow class brings.    We start again at 8:30.   And tomorrow is our first double day!   Holy cow!

333 Students!

There are 333 students.  What an amazing number.  38 countries.   (How cool is that?). Today was orientation.  We were given the rules.  No drugs!  No drinking!  No smoking!  No relationships!  No eating green!  Be on time!  Do not leave the studio during practice.  Vomit buckets are provided at the corners of the room.  You must attend all classes and lectures.  If you are late or miss one you will be punished.  Extra class on your one free day.  The room was filled with amazing energy.  So many cool people.  I've been adopted by the 6 Irish folk.  "You're one of us now" said with a thick Irish accent.  I practice dialog today in the pool while it rained under the giant stone mask with Rachel and Julie.  They both know it very well.  I do not.  Julie offered to help me anytime.  I will take her up on it because in two weeks I will have to teach half moon in front of all 333 while being critiqued by Bikram.    Anyhow...I can not tell you how fortunate I feel being here.  What a gift.  No matter what this will change my life for the better.  All I have to do is trust the process.

Figuring things out!

I am here and it is beautiful but so rainy you can see 50 feet.   My journey was brutal but I am happy to be here.   Met my roommate.  She and her two friends from Ireland are hilarious.  They are my kind of people.  The internet sucks....so not sure how I will have time to post.   Food is yummy.   No way I lose weight.   Buffet from Heaven is all I can say.  Room very comfy.  Heading into nearby town to see some culture.  

At  the airport!   On my way.  Sending you all my love!

The Day before Teacher Training!

This morning I practiced for the last time at the Sweatbox in Capital Hill.  I was presented with a card from all the teachers and it touched my heart deeply.  I have a few things yet to accomplish before I go, but I know I leave with a lot of people supporting me.  I feel loved and appreciated.  My heart hangs heavy with the anticipation of missing my boys, but I am certain what I am doing is going to lead to an even more kick ass mom figure!  I am going to attempt to write about my experience each day, but no promises.  I have no idea what kind of time I will have.  I hear not much.  So here is to my courage.  Here is to the love of my friends.  Here is to my future as a Bikram's Yoga instructor.