One year later!

I have been teaching for exactly one year now.  I can not believe how far I have come.  A year ago, even armed with my accomplishment I was terrified.  I was taken under the wing of my studio owners and little by little I got up and taught one class after the next.  My first class was so emotional.  My friends all came to support me, and as I stumbled through they said nice things.  Through my dread of failure, I continued to get up and do it again.  Frankie, from what is now called Yoga for Life took me under her critical wing and made me learn the dialog for bantam.   She is not exactly a flowery loving yoga type, but I do think her methods where affective.  My beloved Bre came and took my class in October.  I was so nervous, because she was my dialog champion in Thailand.  Her comment was that off all the trainees she had taken, I do the best!  :) She love as me so I know some of that is just love... but part of me knows I am on a good path to becoming a great teacher.  I really do love it.  I teach officially only 4 classes a week, but I am often asked to cover many many more.  Last week I taught 14 classes over the week.  Some were small intimate, some were hot as hell, some were crazy but all were fun.  I find I am connecting more and more with the students. I have my regulars that come and like my class for its pace and my strong encouraging voice.  My sound is often committed on as well as my pace.  I think I just keep I rolling and that is appreciated.  I'm always ending exactly at 90 minutes... so something in me has a natural clock.

Outside of teaching, my life is good.  Dante and Stone amaze me everyday and I think the yoga has made me much more present for them.  This morning Dante fiddled with all the dials in the front seat because now he is big enough to sit there, drives me a bit crazy but in a tolerable way.  Stone sits in the back seat playing his DS and singing all the songs on the radio in an unconscious exact tone.  Dante continues to be all boy, all sports all fun.  Stone is a little more complex, as his interests vary more than Dante. He is artistic and athletic.  He has crazy fast twitch and can really outrun anyone.  We cook together, read together, laugh together.  I feel lucky because my boys are really all I could ever dream for. 

My love life still languishes.  I have had a few physical trysts be have yet to really have anything like a relationship.  My heart strings that keep me tide to Peter have lessened.  I still have a crazy place in my heart for him, but I am getting better at considering a future that doesn't have the barrier.  There is a man I'd like to have a relationship with, and he is recently available, but damaged.  We've expressed our crushes, but nothing really has happened yet.  I am hopeful, but trying to be very patient as I think that is what he needs.  That HE even exists is a big step for me. 

I still wait for the funds to buy a home.  But I am less anxious about it.  I'm earning money on that money I don't have yet.  So when I do finally get it, perhaps I can actually afford something that will work for me and the boys over the next 10 years. 

All and all I think I am in a good place.  I am happy with my journey as a teacher.  I am thrilled with being a very good mother.  There is hope for future romance.  My life is pretty full!  I am blessed! 

Teacher Training the Final Chapter: My life begins anew!

I have been home a week.  The final week was a whirlwind.  I can't even remember everything that happened.  What I do know is that I bonded deeply with my group.  We traveled in a pack.  We ate together, we went to lecture together, and we practiced together.  In the end my posse consisted of Michael, our Irish dialog pro, who didn't like to smile too much with anyone but us.  He was a mystery man to many on campus, but to us he was funny as heck and a great support system.  Marta, our Italian lass who "did not speak with an accent" and was hit on by teachers and non-gays alike.  She took out her lip ring to be more beautiful and she had the best tattoos of the bunch.  Lesley from Brighton who was by far the loudest and funniest of the group.  She said whatever came out of her mouth and it was always funny.  Ted from Brighton who was a gentle loving soul who will be a compassionate and loving teacher.  Frances, our Yogini, who we tried to break of her amazing practice.  In the beginning she was so focused and so disaplined  in her practices and by the end she came to our darker side of laughter and distraction.  Bre, our wise and beautiful 22 year old.  She was the first to teach when she got home and she has the envy of us all with no attachments and the world to explore if she chooses too. And then there was Marck from Hamburg.  Marck and I bonded the most I think.  I have never laughed so hard in years.  We laughed in lecture and practices and we both found our friendship as being one of the most important things that happened to us during training.  His partner, Laris showed up the last week as well and he was equally as fabulous.  All of these people will be life long friends.  What we experienced together over 10 weeks can not be explained.  On average we spent 20 hours a day and with that fell in love with each other in a way that will feed our souls for life.  I left Seattle feeling like a wounded bird, and I return with a new sense of energy an life.  I can't wait to teach and I have great hopes for my future through the eyes of my Karma yoga and the love of my old and new friends alike.

Our last practice in Thailand was super fun.  We all dressed in Black as instructed, and brought a coke...as instructed.  We raced in the room and were able to secure a spot in the middle of the room all together as a group.  Bikram was in prime form, also happy and celebratory.  We all brought out our cokes at the water break.  It was a bit of a coke commercial if you will but it was fun.  Coke, however, is not good for very hot very humid Yoga.  Warm coke to boot.   Near the end, many of us got emotional.  This was our last practice together as a group of 333.  At one point, Marck grabbed my hand and we looked into each others eyes and realized how important this whole experience was for us without exchanging words.  After the class the room erupted in a huge celebration.  Laughter, tears, hugs and all with Bikram watching sentimentally from his orange throne.  You can not imagine the power and energy in this hot sweaty room.

The last day was Saturday, November 16th.  We all had brunch together.  Some of us had our last massages on the beach.  Then we all got beautiful for our graduation, and when I say beautiful I mean beautiful!   Everyone transformed from their lovely sweaty yoga selves to their glamour selves.  Bre knocked us out with her amazing black dress and bright red lips.  Lesley took down her mini doughnut bun and wore her hair down.  Frances came in a green dress and had a wardrobe change to a red dress, very dramatic.  Teddy came in his Thai tailored new vest.  And Marta wore make up!  I even liked how I looked, however, the humidity is torture on my hair...but we were lovely.  The best part of the graduation was the demo team.  20 students were chosen from the 333, all w/o tattoos because Bikram doesn't like tattoos.  They came out and did the series choreographed to music.  When they all opened up like a flower pedal blooming in their back bends...I cried.  Bikram gave a speech intended for a bigger "family" audience that didn't show up because we were in deep dark Thailand.  He actually cut it short because he noticed we were NOT looking at him in his eyes.  We'd all heard what he said a 100 times at this point.   I felt bad, but the truth is....he should have come up with something NEW for us.  I think after 10 weeks of this we deserved it.  Anyhow, the certificated were then passed out one by  one.  We all got to shake Rajashree's hand, get the certificate and take a picture with Bikram after which we came down the stairs into the arms of our groups.  That night we had a big dinner on the lawn, which ended up being an only slightly better version of the infamous Buffet.

My posse moved to the beach and had a drink for the first time in 9 1/2 weeks at the Friendly Restaurant.   I had a fresh coconut pina colada.  After the first few sips and 20 minutes my heart began to race.  It was a the weirdest and scariest feeling.  My body is so clean that it immediately revolted by saying....UM GET THIS SHIT OUT!  Stop drinking.  I have seriously not had another drink since then because I am a little worried.  What a nice way to reduce my alcohol intake.  At the beach we all set off lanterns and made wishes for our futures.  We then went to the dance party at the Bikram disco.  It was loud and we all felt a little out of place, plus we knew the goodbyes were coming.  Bre slipped away at dinner to have a last little trieste with someone who will remained unnamed at this point.  Michael did the Irish goodbye, which is just disappearing w/o saying good by.  But the real goodbye for me was saying goodbye to Marck and Laris.  It was a huge hug, kiss and tears...oh the tears.

The next day I left Thailand armed with a new attitude.  I am ready to teach.  I am ready to start my new life.  I am ready to let go of my pain.  I am ready to open my heart to what the world has to offer me.   My teacher training has come to an end, but my life has just beginning again.

Week 8 Done!

Week 8 is completed.   We finished up with our dialog clinics.  My best moment was when one of the visiting teacher, Mike from Chicago said "its obvious that you really care for your students because you are so precise.  You have a great demeanor and great command in your voice.  Your students are going to love you because you care so much.   Let your personality out because I know there is so much more in you. " This was so good to hear.   I do care deeply and I want that to come out.   I also want to be good and I've struggled deeply with trying to memorize everything and then get it out in a dynamic way.   I love the sound of me when I'm confident, but the second I lose a word I crash.   In a real class environment I hope I can fake it till I am good.   Here there circumstances are so obsurd, everyone in the room knows the dialog word for word and teachers are listening for your every mistake.  I really appreciate how amazing my teachers are back home.  All of them seem to teach so effortlessly, each with there own personality.  I can't wait to be back, now that I know the dialog and see how it has changed for me.  I am officially terrified to teach my first class.  But I guess that is normal and I'm going to have to get over that.

Last weekend I had an amazing adventure to the Surin Islands.  Me and 5 pals went on a boat trip for the day.  Our first stop was snorkeling in a beautiful bay.  The water was aqua and this coral reef was like swimming inside the brightest coral display at the Seattle Aquarium.  The fish even more amazing.  My friend Bre had never been snorkeling.   She is from Kansas City and all this water is foreign to her.   She jumped in with go pro, cell phone and all her gear.   She pretty much sunk.   After trying to operate all her devices, she down sized to just one and added a life vest.  Gotta love her enthusiasm.   Leslie from Brighton has never used fins before.   Gave her a lesson on Mermaid techniques.   Funny the things u take for granted.   I am very well rounded.  Second stop was a small beach village.   I posted pictures.   We bought hand crafted souvenirs from the children and walked around the village admiring the simplicity of things.   On one hand it felt a little staged, but overall it was a very sweet experience.   Third stop was a national park.   We were fed a very village meal.  Curries and fish with eyeballs looking at you.   Weird but better than the buffet that is killing us all.   We then spent a few hours on a beach similar to the movie Blue Lagoon.   Four of us ladies sat on the beach and shared our Bikram yoga stories.  Cancer, thyroid issues, spiritual awakings, loss of self, marriage problems...u name it.....it was there.  What was more amazing was how each woman came to this practice and was rebuilt and inspired.  The character and strength in many here is overwhelming.  We then had two more stops for snorkeling.  Each more incredible than the last.  Our journey home, however, was a nightmare.  A storm rolled in of epic proportions.  Pretty much the scariest boat ride I've ever been on.   A one hour journey turned into a two and one half hour nail biter.  It was raining sideways.   Thunder and lightning crashing all around us.  Waves bigger than the boat.   Ted got electrocuted.  Marta puked.   The captains got lost in the middle of the sea because the electrical storm jacked their systems.   At one point three of the guides were looking in three directions for land.  One of them got a phone out and all I heard was May Day May Day May day.  30 minutes later, they spotted land.   You would not believe how happy our guides were.  It was unbelievable.   Frances and I practiced learning spinal twist during all of this.  The others could not believe it.   However,I think it was very yogi of us.   We were internally focused.  We learned it very well And it all ended well.

Bikram was in rare form this week.  We had we had six four hour lectures from him on postures this week, followed by three four hour movies.   I think I saw 3 am every day this week.  One of our lectures was completely derailed when Bikram drank two cokes.   It sent him into a wackadoodle sugar rush.   For some reason he got out his man purse and showed us everything in it!   You would Not believe what he finds essential and how completely open he is.   There is no doubt that Bikram is a one of a kind unusual person!  

Last but not least, I am pretty sure I have a staff infection.  There happens to be an infectious desease doctor in our class.   She is watching it closely.   But...sure is fun be in this fungus bath!   The sweat pools would gross you all out!  

;)

Happy Halloween!

Just finished our evening Halloween class.   Many of the students dressed up.   It was a lot of fun prior to class but then they put up a dull teacher and our moods melted with our costume make up.  I have had a rough couple of days in class.  Yesterday I had to sit on the floor from standing bow on because I wasn't able to stand without blacking out.   It is amazing how emotional that situation is.   I want to practice.   I want to be good but I can't even stand up.  I gather they are trying to break us down (still) so that we have compassion for our students.   I'd like to say....I get it.....please allow us some good classes so we can go home feeling good about our practice.  They did however flick on a strobe light and played Thriller through our savasana.  It turned into a two minute sweaty make up smeared danced party.   Rather surreal actually!

Our week was a dialog marathon.   We had poster clinics morning and night.  I had a beautiful teacher from Singapore on day one.   She was so lovely, again suggesting I get rid of my self doubt and just say what I was to say without doubt even if it was off dialog.  The next day we did the entire spine series.  Four postures.   I invested all my eggs into Cobra.  And did well....and basically did the next three off the cusp.  And it turns out....for me....off the cusp is better.   I am not being anal about getting every word but rather just being me.   I got to see a glimpse of me in the future....and she looks and sounds good!!!!  This morning Nick's mom taught.   Her dialog was way off, but her love and energy was up.   If she can teach this giant class off 333 highly critical yoga students/would be teachers.....I can teach.....anywhere.

We are all starting to realize our time is almost over here.  On one hand we can't wait to see our friends and family but on the other hand we are getting sad because we won't see each other again soon.   My posse lives in Brighton, Dublin, Hamburg, Carmel and Kansas City.  We have been living in each others pockets here.   From 8 am til 2 am we sweat together, eat together, go to class, study together, cry and laugh and this week we've had a lot of puking!  We spend more time together than we spend with any one person at home, so the bonding has been quick.  Two of my pals have committed to next years pumpkin party!   Can't wait for my peeps back home to meet some of my yogi pals.   You'll love them.

We ended the week with the staff telling us their Bikram Yoga stories.  All had amazing stories.  Suicide attempts, cancer recovery, overweight, high power job overload....all wonderful to hear.    Each one more incredible than the last.  It inspired me to keep on my path.  This practice is amazing, it is healing (mind, body and soul) and its community is world wide.   I now have friends all over the world who will open there homes and invite me to teach in their studios.

The last thing we did last night was listen to Monali do a meditation.  It was beautiful!  We left in perfect silence and it was incredibly peaceful and beautiful.

Don't worry....I haven't gone completely yogi...can't wait for a COCKTAIL!!!!!

The Home Stretch

Week six is over.  I must say it is going fast and slow all at once.   It was a bitter sweet week for me.   Having my birthday here away from family and friends was rough.  I had a lovely day, but missing my kids and not being at my pumpkin party was a little tearful.  My new friends were sweet.   They bought coconuts after class and stole cutlery from the buffet hall with the concept of carving the coconuts on the beach which was so sweet.   The butter knifes barely knicked the husks but it was a very cute idea.  My day was very self reflective.  Had some very long deep conversations on the beach about life, love and the future.  Everyone here has their own story and is here in search of something.  Oddly all our journies alighned. Anyhow I had some magical moments that I will never forget.   I called my posse at home who where all celebrating me and carrying on my pumpkin party and I started crying because I can not believe how blessed I am.   Thank you sweet friends you have moved me with your love!  Ok...enough tears!

Last week:  The yoga part was a little rough.   My body aches in a new profound way.  I had thought I would make monsterous strides in my practice, and in truth I probably have....but each day I feel like I've never practiced before.   My body had changed.  Back fat gone, boobs shrinking, waste line trimming....so that is fun.  In the am my joints and back muscles hurt.  In the evening classes I do feel better but it seems to be more just doing everything...forget about full expression of the postures.  I have gotten use to Bikrams teaching style.   I come to class with three and a half liters of water.  One with electrolytes.  And mentally I just accept that the class will be between two and three hours long.   To be fair he does a lot of correcting and sometimes has people come up on the podium and do demonstrations.  So...we are not always doing postures, however he runs the room HOT and I drink every ounce of liquid and I don't pee it out!   There is just no way one can describe how much we sweat.

Posture clinics were OK for me this week.  I think I explained in my last post that I had a moment where I saw me being the teacher I want to be.   My voice speaking in a clear loving firm way.  It was exciting and I felt amazing.   My classmates said I was several inches taller and radiant.  I then delivered triangle nervously and was not so radiant.   And by the end of the week it was a blur.   So its a battle, moments of sunshine but lots of fog too.  A German girl came up to me before class on Friday and said....I had a vision of you today as a great teacher.   She said your voice is so beautiful I just know one day you'd be amazing.   Then she said.... One day I will take your class and I know I will just love it.   I hugged her.   A complete stranger and all that love shared.

Our lectures included two lectures by Dr. Brian Tracy on Neuromuscular Physiology as it pertains to Bikram Yoga.   It was fascinating.   What was most shocking is how little has been actually done on the effects of Bikram yoga.  His research is very cool and he presented us with data that discussed our core temperature, calorie burn, and spinal cord health and function.  I'm inspired to figure out how to fund future studies.  Type two diabetes and RA alone have had remarkable testimonials but no one has done real scientifically sound research to support it.

This week was also Diwali, the festival of lights.  Bikram had a big party for us on the center lawn in the resort.  Fireworks, traditional Thai dance and ice cream.   Everyone looked amazing.   We wander around here sweaty rash covered messes.   This night everyone dressed up and looked completely different.   Truly beautiful people here.   Bikram also unveiled his disco he built here.   Amazing!   So we had a sober yogi dance party that had the most incredible energy.   It was fun.

This weeks fun challenge for me is going to be doing yoga on a broken toe!  Yep!   Kicked a wood stump buried under the sand and broke my middle toe on my left foot!    Good times!!!!!

My Birthday week!

As you all know, I love my birthday.   If I was home I'd be inviting you all to have lunch with me, and getting you all excited for my pumpkin party.   It's a little different here but I am getting ready to have a great birthday weekend.   We are going to take a trip the the James Bond Island and explore the caves.   So excited.

This past weekend was nice.   It was sunny on Saturday.  I studied on the beach with Heather from Alaska.  We walk for hours down the beach shouting out dialog in round robin fashion.   Its amazing to have the blue green ocean crashing at your feet while doing homework.  The we got massages on the beach.   Truly exceptional again to be getting a massage while listening to the actual ocean.   Saturday night I gathered a group, as I do and we ventured off campus for a lovely dinner down south.   We've added Teddy from Brighton and Marck from Hamburg to our click.   Both of them are hilarious, flamboyant and such good people.  Anyhow we laughed ourselves sick at our struggles and what is so refreshing is we are all dead sober.  Sunday was rainy.  Studied all day.   Found a mexican resteraunt for dinner and it tasted Amazing!!!!!!

Monday started out with a bang.  Rajashree taught the morning class and the afternoon lecture.   Bikram tried to kill us with a two and a half hour 40 Celsius class.  Then he had a long lecture on the beginning off all time and the creation of the first yogis.  Which he followed with a four hour movie about family and parental love.  We rolled in at 4 am....to get up and start it all again today.

I feel weak, but its my birthday week  and I am going to make it through on a positive note!

Hump Week!

Hump week was hard.  I will try to think of cheerier things to say, but the truth of the matter is that I am emotionally spent.  I started the week with a brutal posture clinic.   The coach for the night laid into my work ethic based on my performance without asking or knowing what I had been doing, and the sad thing was I had actually done pretty well for me.  He also said your home studio is not going to let you teach for them....etc...etc!   Again, with zero knowledge of me as a person or my future.   I was proud in that I didn't break down or run away.   Just took the feedback.  Then demonstrated three perfectly executed Balancing Sticks as a demonstrator.  After class I did break down but in private!   Rajashree is here, Bikram's wife....so that positive.   She has talked a lot about tapping into your emotions.   She reads poetry after she teaches Yoga and every time I find my heart touched.   Cry a lot here.   Week 5 is known for this.  One thing that she said that has really affected me is "Forgiveness is gift you give to yourself, not others".  Need to let go of my hurt before I can really grow, and if I can this journey will have been priceless for lack of a better word.  My next posture clinic was nice.   A very flamboyant fellow from Head Quarters, gave a refreshing take on things.   He made all of us " train wreck" go first and then he gave us positive feedback!   Crazy!   He also said.... I am doing fine.   It will sink in!  By Triangle Pose I felt I has done well.   Still am crazy nervous but the words are sticking.   I was up most nights this week till 2 am studying in the lobby but at least it wasn't wasted energy.  The classes that Bikram taught this week on average were 2 and a quarter hours long.   The good news here is we are all doing better.   Less people passing out or fleeing the room, and more importantly Bikram was actually happy with us.   Making him happy is very nearly impossible!   But he has actually said...."you guys look good"!  Our posture clinic group is number 13.   We are known as the bad kids group mostly because we are not the best at dialog and percentage wise our group has the most make up classes.   Meaning if you are 5 seconds late signing in you get to do back to back classes on Saturday.  But was our group does have is the most spirit, the most love and the most improved!   Lucky 13 will prevail and perhaps be the best teachers ultimately.  I'll end my post on that high note!