The Home Stretch

Week six is over.  I must say it is going fast and slow all at once.   It was a bitter sweet week for me.   Having my birthday here away from family and friends was rough.  I had a lovely day, but missing my kids and not being at my pumpkin party was a little tearful.  My new friends were sweet.   They bought coconuts after class and stole cutlery from the buffet hall with the concept of carving the coconuts on the beach which was so sweet.   The butter knifes barely knicked the husks but it was a very cute idea.  My day was very self reflective.  Had some very long deep conversations on the beach about life, love and the future.  Everyone here has their own story and is here in search of something.  Oddly all our journies alighned. Anyhow I had some magical moments that I will never forget.   I called my posse at home who where all celebrating me and carrying on my pumpkin party and I started crying because I can not believe how blessed I am.   Thank you sweet friends you have moved me with your love!  Ok...enough tears!

Last week:  The yoga part was a little rough.   My body aches in a new profound way.  I had thought I would make monsterous strides in my practice, and in truth I probably have....but each day I feel like I've never practiced before.   My body had changed.  Back fat gone, boobs shrinking, waste line trimming....so that is fun.  In the am my joints and back muscles hurt.  In the evening classes I do feel better but it seems to be more just doing everything...forget about full expression of the postures.  I have gotten use to Bikrams teaching style.   I come to class with three and a half liters of water.  One with electrolytes.  And mentally I just accept that the class will be between two and three hours long.   To be fair he does a lot of correcting and sometimes has people come up on the podium and do demonstrations.  So...we are not always doing postures, however he runs the room HOT and I drink every ounce of liquid and I don't pee it out!   There is just no way one can describe how much we sweat.

Posture clinics were OK for me this week.  I think I explained in my last post that I had a moment where I saw me being the teacher I want to be.   My voice speaking in a clear loving firm way.  It was exciting and I felt amazing.   My classmates said I was several inches taller and radiant.  I then delivered triangle nervously and was not so radiant.   And by the end of the week it was a blur.   So its a battle, moments of sunshine but lots of fog too.  A German girl came up to me before class on Friday and said....I had a vision of you today as a great teacher.   She said your voice is so beautiful I just know one day you'd be amazing.   Then she said.... One day I will take your class and I know I will just love it.   I hugged her.   A complete stranger and all that love shared.

Our lectures included two lectures by Dr. Brian Tracy on Neuromuscular Physiology as it pertains to Bikram Yoga.   It was fascinating.   What was most shocking is how little has been actually done on the effects of Bikram yoga.  His research is very cool and he presented us with data that discussed our core temperature, calorie burn, and spinal cord health and function.  I'm inspired to figure out how to fund future studies.  Type two diabetes and RA alone have had remarkable testimonials but no one has done real scientifically sound research to support it.

This week was also Diwali, the festival of lights.  Bikram had a big party for us on the center lawn in the resort.  Fireworks, traditional Thai dance and ice cream.   Everyone looked amazing.   We wander around here sweaty rash covered messes.   This night everyone dressed up and looked completely different.   Truly beautiful people here.   Bikram also unveiled his disco he built here.   Amazing!   So we had a sober yogi dance party that had the most incredible energy.   It was fun.

This weeks fun challenge for me is going to be doing yoga on a broken toe!  Yep!   Kicked a wood stump buried under the sand and broke my middle toe on my left foot!    Good times!!!!!

My Birthday week!

As you all know, I love my birthday.   If I was home I'd be inviting you all to have lunch with me, and getting you all excited for my pumpkin party.   It's a little different here but I am getting ready to have a great birthday weekend.   We are going to take a trip the the James Bond Island and explore the caves.   So excited.

This past weekend was nice.   It was sunny on Saturday.  I studied on the beach with Heather from Alaska.  We walk for hours down the beach shouting out dialog in round robin fashion.   Its amazing to have the blue green ocean crashing at your feet while doing homework.  The we got massages on the beach.   Truly exceptional again to be getting a massage while listening to the actual ocean.   Saturday night I gathered a group, as I do and we ventured off campus for a lovely dinner down south.   We've added Teddy from Brighton and Marck from Hamburg to our click.   Both of them are hilarious, flamboyant and such good people.  Anyhow we laughed ourselves sick at our struggles and what is so refreshing is we are all dead sober.  Sunday was rainy.  Studied all day.   Found a mexican resteraunt for dinner and it tasted Amazing!!!!!!

Monday started out with a bang.  Rajashree taught the morning class and the afternoon lecture.   Bikram tried to kill us with a two and a half hour 40 Celsius class.  Then he had a long lecture on the beginning off all time and the creation of the first yogis.  Which he followed with a four hour movie about family and parental love.  We rolled in at 4 am....to get up and start it all again today.

I feel weak, but its my birthday week  and I am going to make it through on a positive note!

Hump Week!

Hump week was hard.  I will try to think of cheerier things to say, but the truth of the matter is that I am emotionally spent.  I started the week with a brutal posture clinic.   The coach for the night laid into my work ethic based on my performance without asking or knowing what I had been doing, and the sad thing was I had actually done pretty well for me.  He also said your home studio is not going to let you teach for them....etc...etc!   Again, with zero knowledge of me as a person or my future.   I was proud in that I didn't break down or run away.   Just took the feedback.  Then demonstrated three perfectly executed Balancing Sticks as a demonstrator.  After class I did break down but in private!   Rajashree is here, Bikram's wife....so that positive.   She has talked a lot about tapping into your emotions.   She reads poetry after she teaches Yoga and every time I find my heart touched.   Cry a lot here.   Week 5 is known for this.  One thing that she said that has really affected me is "Forgiveness is gift you give to yourself, not others".  Need to let go of my hurt before I can really grow, and if I can this journey will have been priceless for lack of a better word.  My next posture clinic was nice.   A very flamboyant fellow from Head Quarters, gave a refreshing take on things.   He made all of us " train wreck" go first and then he gave us positive feedback!   Crazy!   He also said.... I am doing fine.   It will sink in!  By Triangle Pose I felt I has done well.   Still am crazy nervous but the words are sticking.   I was up most nights this week till 2 am studying in the lobby but at least it wasn't wasted energy.  The classes that Bikram taught this week on average were 2 and a quarter hours long.   The good news here is we are all doing better.   Less people passing out or fleeing the room, and more importantly Bikram was actually happy with us.   Making him happy is very nearly impossible!   But he has actually said...."you guys look good"!  Our posture clinic group is number 13.   We are known as the bad kids group mostly because we are not the best at dialog and percentage wise our group has the most make up classes.   Meaning if you are 5 seconds late signing in you get to do back to back classes on Saturday.  But was our group does have is the most spirit, the most love and the most improved!   Lucky 13 will prevail and perhaps be the best teachers ultimately.  I'll end my post on that high note!

I got mail!

I received a letter today, couldn't have come at a better time.   They delivered it military style.   They called our names and we went up and got our letters in front of all 333 with whoops and hollers.  Week 5 is breakdown week according to Rajashree so many of us are really emotional.  Anyhow....thank you dear sweet Jenna!   Your snail mail was much appreciated and envied by many!   Must go.  Bikram is back have to get to practice.   Its probably going to be a three hour torture chamber for sure!  Bringing loads of water just in case!

They tried to kill us this week!

It's Sunday, our one free day of the week.   I am physically and mentally exhausted.  Home sickness is hitting hard.  Weekends are actually worse for that because you have a minute to think.  Last week each day they made the room hotter and hotter.  By Wednesday it was out of control.   We had a two hour night class where litterly 10 people had to be carried out of the room.   It was fairly dramatic.   You could see their muscles cramping and some were in tremendous pain.  We had a teacher who is a little arrogant and unrelenting.   He wouldn't open the doors to save any of us.   I am not sure why?   And to top it off he would say things like....let me show you my triangle....its the second best in the world.  And then....he'd do it....and we'd watch only glad to be able to have a wee break.  I ran out of the room after that class and bought a huge bottle of water and drank it all down immediately.   I really have no idea where all the water I drink goes.   On Friday night I found out that there is a problem with the heat.  They have not figured out the apparent temperature.   This is how hot it feels with humidity and heat factored.   The intention is to challenge us, but we are suppose to be able to reach the full expression of each posture.   But what we are focusing on mostly is just trying to stand upright, not puke and balance.   I was getting frustrated because I have not been able to really improve my postures.   But on Saturday morning we had a class taught by Bikrams wife.  I am not putting her name down because I'd spell it wrong and I don't have strong enough internet to look it up.  
:(  Anyhow, it was amazing.   A pivotable moment in my experience here.   She taught a beautiful class filled with love and insight.  I had one of my best classes.   I pushed hard and deep.   I learned things about the postures.  And she opened the doors and gave us air twice!!!!!!!   She will be teaching us about each posture next week after our anatomy final.   I couldn't be more excited.  She has reinvigorated me.

My friendships continue to deepen.   I have also reached out to many to improve my dialog.   Today I have to learn standing separate leg stretching, Triangle. Head to knee and tree for next week.   Fairly freaked.  Oh...and study for anatomy final.   Ugh.  But last night we went to an Italian resteraunt and had a nice dinner for Marta's birthday.  And then watched a movie with Bre.   We can rent really bad movies here.   We got to watch Step Up 4.   So good?!

Miss my peeps back home.  Sending you all love.

My body hurts!

I have been surprised how well I have felt since I got here.   I had nightmares about how hard two practices a day would be.   But, until now, it has been fairly manageable.  My body is really stiff this week.   The morning practices are flat out hard.   I almost feel like I am regressing.  In standing head to knee, I am having a hard time stretching my legs out.   Feels like I might pop my hammys.    It has also been really hot and over the top humid in our yoga room.   So much so that the mirrors fog up to over six feet high.  Meaning no one can see themselves.    I am better in the afternoon but sitting in anatomy class and posture clinics all night is flat out torture.  Anyhow....week four for most of us is about pushing through the stiffness and staying present through the pain.

I did standing head to knee last night.   I did pretty good.   I got most of the words out...which is a first for me.   The coach did notice my nerves but just said to act more like a teacher which is the correct feedback because thru my nerves I am rather childish on goofy.

I am pretty sure I aced the anatomy test.  It was pretty easy so no pats on the back there.

Today is Marta's birthday.   It's is hard to really spoil a friend here the way I like to spoil someone.   Our schedule is relentless and there is no access to cute gift stores or anything.   I made a card for her out of a page of our syllabus and I went in with our gang to treat her to a massage at the spa.  All 333 sang to her and a cake will be delivered to her room this afternoon during anatomy.  So tonight we will sing to her at dinner.  So I guess it won't be the worst day for her!!!

So the rain is ridiculous!  It is too much!  My hands are perminant pruned.   Rain rain go away!!!!!

Eagle Pose!

One might say I had a break through performance last night!   You would not believe the love and support my fellow yogis have given me here.  My first night week three was a train wreck as you know ending in tears.   I gathered myself and tried again on Tuesday doing a little better but was told that I had to get rid of my self doubt demons.   I had many people come up to me and tell me how they love my voice and how warm and friendly my aura was.   Many have come up and been so complimentary about my presence, my looks....to the point of embarrassment.   One said... It is crazy you don't see yourself as we do.   On Wednesday I gave my presentation in from of Monoli, the director of our program.  She was sweet but I did poorly.  But I was changing because I was becoming less sensitive to "failing" in front of others.   Day four I presented Awkward in front of Badwan, super sweet Indian.  I passed, but only because he was so kind.   OK so Friday, it was time for Eagle my favorite posture.   This is the pose I think helped me have Dante and Stone.   I went to class armed with love and less fear.  I volunteered early and did a pretty good job.   Like 70% improvement.   The comments were that I needed to learn to speak louder and project my voice which is much better then getting rid if the giant cloud!  It felt great, even better was how many struggled.   I am not alone!

In other news, weight loss is solid.  Nearly 5 kilos.  However, in exchange my face is breaking out like a teenage boy!  

It is raining so hard.   For the next 48 hours the conditions will be cyclonic! We are not allowed to go to the beach.   We will all be forced to study our dialog.  We also have a mid term exam on Monday in Anatomy.  Not sure how I am going to get all this studying done.   They have created a class for those of us struggling with dialog.   My friends and I are calling it the short bus class.   Anyhow....that's were I am off too!